And The Nominees Are...

Ok, like any normal person, I watched the Oscars on Monday, and I just have to say that they were good. Congrates to Heath Ledger, Kate Winslet and Penelope Cruz for winning, but not to Sean Penn because I was gunning for Mickey Rourke. No matter, he'll get one. Moving on, I just want to stop and talk about the humour that was brought to the event, and I thought to myself 'I can do that.' So, this is the joke I've written for this years Academy Awards.

Two famous comedians walk onto the stage. The audience watches them in wonder. Comedians walk upto the microphone.

C1: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and let me say that it's an honour for us to be presenting tonight.

C2: It certainly is, but the greatest honour is the chance to be making a joke at the Oscars, which we think is the soul reason why anyone comes to these things, apart from seeing Whoopi in person.

Hold for laughter.

C2: Anyway, when we were asked to present, we thought, what is the best joke that we can use?

C1: It was a very big decision.

C2: It was... but then we thought, what's the safest joke that we can use because as a safety precaution, we follow an important list of rules.

C1: For instance, we'll never comment on the pre-deceased... because their family might be watching.

C2: That's right... Ledgers. Besides, we don't go after greatness.

C1: Of course. The Joker was brilliant... and the scariest thing we saw last year apart from saggy porn.

Hold for audience to shiver.

C2: Another rule that we follow is that we never use any racially based jokes.

C1: That's right. We never comment on people because of their heritage or appearance... mainly because we don't want to be jumped in the parking lot by Robert Downey Jr.

Hold for laughter.

C1: Also, we won't mock some people because they might react in a bad way.

C2: We all saw what Angelina Jolie did to that train in Wanted.

C1: I know, she's crazy.

Both comedians realise that Angelina Jolie is sitting in the front row, and take one step back.

C2: But we still love her.

C1: So judging from our list of rules, there's very few people here tonight who we can bag.

C2: But there's no rule about not insulting Disney princesses, is there.

C1: No, there isn't. They're great targets, especially when they end up falling for a gay and wind up in rehab.

C2: Of course we expected nothing less from Anne Hathaway.

Hold for laughter. Anne Hathaway gives them a threatening look, and then uses telepathy to plan their mysterious deaths with Angelina Jolie.

C1: Don't worry, we love you Annie.

C2: So, that's our Oscar joke ladies and gentlemen.

C1: And now, the nominees for best soft-drink placement are...

Open Hands

Greetings again, hope all is well my many dosen of readers. Haven't been on in a while, so I'm just catching up is all.

Nothing much has happened, except I did a bit of work a few weeks back. Decided that handling wood wasn't the best thing in my opinion, plus the guy I was working with was a tremendous yet inexcusible handful (excuse my language).

Another good thing that happened is that I've started up my series again, and I'm hoping that I'll get it right this time.

I've got big problems with POV (point of view changes) which Monday Esme has often pointed out and expressed a well-known dislike for... so I'm hoping that my narrator "The Teacher" will save it for me.

Hoping I'll get the second draft of "Escape of the Alchemist" finished in a few months, I should be very busy. Any encouragement would be welcomed of course.

PS. Atticus, if you keep responding with pointless crap that just wastes my time, Tessica will see your baby pics. OKAY!

Well, It's Happened

As of yesterday I am 20 years old, and it ain't bad. I had a good bday. My good brother Babette took me out to the movies to see The Wrestler, which wasn't bad. I liked Mickey Rourke's character. Also, the movie was way better than Darren Aronofsky's last movie, which I still like unlike my Asian bound friend Gin/Velma.

Anyway, I saw the movie, I got plenty of messages over the facebook and I got a DVD player. My good friend Crazy Chik was not pleased, since she does not have a DVD player. Meh I say. But there was a downer, like when my dear friend Young One chose to go swimming instead of coming over for a visit. You little shite! I was good to you, but I still luv ya.

But what am I doing with myself now. I've currently started a new novel which I'm pretty big on. No underworld elements in this one- THANK GOD! I'm also hoping that my employer, whom I shall call Charlotte, can find me some work since I'm getting kinda bored sitting around the house a lot. Maybe I should go to uni. I've also finished a short story that I want to submit to Avant this year.

So that's all that's happened. Here's to being 20... and don't touch my stuff Jesus!

And I've Been Doing What?

Merry Christmas to y'all. I've been very busy for the last couple of weeks. My time has been taken up with shopping for presents (shopping centres are hell in December by the way), starting another new novel (which I'm sure will go further than the last, hopefully) and hearing the same Katy Perry songs on the radio (she is like everywhere now).

But, I've also finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffeneger (hope I've spelt her name right). I'd already heard about the book years ago, and I became intrigued when I learnt that it actually involved time travel, and my good friend Janet from TAFE said good things about it too.

What I really want to say is that it is one of the best re-imagined sci-fi's I've ever come across. I actually hate the author now because I want to write in the same genre, but I'm affraid that I won't be as good as her. Time will tell though. Anyway, 'tis was a bitchin' read and a special thanks goes out to Janet for getting me into it. DON'T DENY IT DEAR!

I know I'll be seeing the movie when it comes out. I'm a Rachel McAdams fan I am.
Merry Christmas people, and have a happy new year.

Stowaway

Hello, for anyone who read my previous posting, you should know that I was conflicted about what I should be writing. Now I do know what I want to do, and that is my sci-fi, which I am currently calling Stowaway. This is only a working title, so there might be another emerging in the future.

Anyway, my new novel is about a woman named Monica Edmondson. I've chosen her first name because it means alone, and her surname because it is a tribute to the character Margaret "Racetrack" Edmondson, played by Leah Cairns in Battlestar Galactica. Monica learns that she can unwillingly travel through time and space, which she has no control over.

Monica find herself travelling to the age of slavery in New Orleans, and all the way to the year 2931, where Egypt has emerged as one of the most powerful nations in the world. This doesn't sit well for Monica, because she'd much rather go home to her daughter, Freya. What makes things worse is that Freya ages 23 years, whilst Monica only ages 10.

I'm planning to capture a more realistic side in sci-fi, whilst also mixed with a bit of humour. I'm also writing it in the first person narrative, because I'm done with those damn POV changes that Monday Esme taught me to hate so much. Also, I'm going to do a lot more research for this, and I've already started.

I will be posting more details about the novel as I write it. I'm already passed 8,000 words, so that is a good sign. Another thing is that I've included four pre-existing people into my novel, so George, Amber, Catherine and Justen, you shall be famous.

Cheers

I'm Conflicted

Hello again, and might I add, the weather sucks a little. Any of the ways, I am conflicted about my writing. I recently got my novel homework back from Monday Esme (I passed by the way) and I'm not really sure what to do with the novel I'm writing now. One of my thoughts is to finish it, because a few people have been gunning to read it and I don't want to disappoint.

One of my reason for this is that I rushed into it blind (aka I was writing about something that I had no personal knowledge or experience about), and I find it remarkable that I got over 300 pages written. It did work for Stephanie Meyer, so I'm not all that surprised now. Anyway, Monday Esme suggested that I treat it like an apprentice piece (I'm pretty sure she meant practice novel) and I'm starting to agree with her.

But, I'm unsure of what to go on with next. Monday Esme suggested that I write from life (which was one of my intentions in life believe it or not), and I have a few ideas, but nothing rock solid. On the other hand, I do have some ideas for speculative fiction which I've been gunning to write for years now.

One would have to be my series, which I'm going to start re-writing one of these days (the first finished draft was terrible). I figured that since JK Rowling, Philip Pullman and several American writers can come up with a series, I guess I could too. Wouldn't mind being apart of that crowd.

Another idea of mine is a science fiction storie mixed with realism. It incorporates time and space travel with a single mother desperate to be with her daughter who ages twenty years whilst she ages about seven or ten. I've been wanting to write something like this, ever since I saw Children of Men and The Fountain, and since it will focus on a time travelling woman, it might be seen as a welcome change in time travelling characters (I know The Doctor from Doctor Who travels with a lot of female companions, but they don't work the TARDIS... with the exception of Donna Noble in her last episode).

I'm looking forward to some feedback, because I'm desperate for some... and some positive feedback in case you're wondering dear sister. None of your regular judgemental s**t.

My Sister's New Keeper

Greetinkos, and for anyone who doesn't know... I'm a little peeved with my sister, y'all. The reason for this is because she has a boyfriend now, and I'm annoyed because I was the last family member to find out! Dammit!

Now I don't have anything against the boyfriend. I met him on Saturday and he's a nice guy, and I liked him even more after the sister said that he wasn't a Scientologist. Thank Gawd! But I'm still dis-pleased with the sister.

I mean, who went with her to Queensland huh? Who considered writing a Lit for Children essay for her. Who unwillingly agreed to be her punching bag for years on end. It was me, and I'm the last one to find out about her new gentleman associate.

I'm not happy...